Tuesday, June 16, 2009
You've aged terribly.
The other day I went to the deli and from my Mr. Roger's sweater pulled out a single dollar bill to pay for my can of soda. I really can't say anything more about that.
Something I've been considering in order to get fired...
I sign 'personal' letters for my boss. His name of course. I've been thinking about just writing "poop" or "ass" or "Doogie Howser, MD" instead. Think anyone would notice? Or...
Adding craisins to all the mailings, not in a package, just loose in the evelope and then write something stupid like "Here's something to satisfy your hunger, but we're still hungry for your business!" or "Have some craisins you fat ass!" or "You look like someone who often contracts UTIs, here's some craisins, should clear that shit right up!" (had to add that last one for the ladies, can't be sexist in corporateland). Or...
Just simply replace all the mailings with stripper flyers. Yeah, yeah. I like that one best.
Adding craisins to all the mailings, not in a package, just loose in the evelope and then write something stupid like "Here's something to satisfy your hunger, but we're still hungry for your business!" or "Have some craisins you fat ass!" or "You look like someone who often contracts UTIs, here's some craisins, should clear that shit right up!" (had to add that last one for the ladies, can't be sexist in corporateland). Or...
Just simply replace all the mailings with stripper flyers. Yeah, yeah. I like that one best.
The fuck?
My office blocked Fail Blog, NOOOOOOOOOOO! One less retarded website to get me through the day, crap.
As always, instead of doing work, I was browsing my list of pointless websites; Hotmail, Woot, Etsy, Amazon, Ebay, Citypages, Urbanspoon, Menuism, Facebook, VS, YouTube, Lolcats, Target, Craigslist, CNN, UO, Forever21...ok, you get the point, and that was all before lunch.
But when I got to my beloved Fail Blog, ACCESS DENIED! Apparently access to this page is prohibited because it is a malicious web site. Well, if Fail Blog is wrong, I don't want to be right.
But when I got to my beloved Fail Blog, ACCESS DENIED! Apparently access to this page is prohibited because it is a malicious web site. Well, if Fail Blog is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Remember to Clean Your Room...I mean Cube.
Grandma's coming to visit and you want to make a good impression, right? Aka, you want to make mommy look good. Oh...wait, I mean corporate is coming and it's time to pretend like this office actually functions. By the way, it does not.
I'm tired of these emails telling us to dress professionally and make sure our work spaces are presentable. Shouldn't they be like that anyways? It's like some people live here and that is just sad and disgusting. Still, I did my part and spruced up my cube a bit. Now I can just lie and say that I had to do it for the corporate visit and hopefully avoid people learning that I'm actually an anal retentive bitch, which I am. A CLEAN CUBE IS A HAPPY CUBE PEOPLE! HAPPY!!! waaaaahhh.
I debated putting a bowl full of condoms on top of my file cabinet and plastering the inside of my cube with porn. I'm taking bets right now for how fast I'll get canned. I give it an hour.
I'm tired of these emails telling us to dress professionally and make sure our work spaces are presentable. Shouldn't they be like that anyways? It's like some people live here and that is just sad and disgusting. Still, I did my part and spruced up my cube a bit. Now I can just lie and say that I had to do it for the corporate visit and hopefully avoid people learning that I'm actually an anal retentive bitch, which I am. A CLEAN CUBE IS A HAPPY CUBE PEOPLE! HAPPY!!! waaaaahhh.
I debated putting a bowl full of condoms on top of my file cabinet and plastering the inside of my cube with porn. I'm taking bets right now for how fast I'll get canned. I give it an hour.
Note to self...
Learn more about golf...or get better at fake laughing at things you totally don't understand or care about.
Why You Should Never Miss a Day of Work.
Because it's great. That's why you should never miss it. Just kidding.
If you work with bumbling idiots then you should never miss a day of work because the office will explode and you'll be so backed up with work the next day you might as well just never come in again.
I missed (for good reasons) 2 out of the last 4 days of work. Color me awesome, because that's how I felt when I came to work and ended up working overtime (not paid of course) on Friday and then waking up at 5 on a Tuesday to get here at 6 something this morning. It was a freakin joy party and I was the guest of honor. I had so many emails and so much crap on my desk I thought I was going to die. It didn't help that I was full of steroids (legal, for allergies...I swear! I don't even like baseball). I partly attributed my 6 am anger to roid rage, which in normal cases not to be laughed at, but if you know me then it is pretty funny. I should of told the doc how prone I am to rage even without the influence of drugs.
So here I am, piled under 2 weeks of work that mysteriously appeared on my desk the 2 days I was out of the office. I guess it's good to know that people feel safer giving me work when I'm not around, but at the same time that means I can't never be out of the office. Can't wait til summer vacation time when I'll be gone for 3 days straight. Better warn the troops. OOO biaches.
Seacrest out.
If you work with bumbling idiots then you should never miss a day of work because the office will explode and you'll be so backed up with work the next day you might as well just never come in again.
I missed (for good reasons) 2 out of the last 4 days of work. Color me awesome, because that's how I felt when I came to work and ended up working overtime (not paid of course) on Friday and then waking up at 5 on a Tuesday to get here at 6 something this morning. It was a freakin joy party and I was the guest of honor. I had so many emails and so much crap on my desk I thought I was going to die. It didn't help that I was full of steroids (legal, for allergies...I swear! I don't even like baseball). I partly attributed my 6 am anger to roid rage, which in normal cases not to be laughed at, but if you know me then it is pretty funny. I should of told the doc how prone I am to rage even without the influence of drugs.
So here I am, piled under 2 weeks of work that mysteriously appeared on my desk the 2 days I was out of the office. I guess it's good to know that people feel safer giving me work when I'm not around, but at the same time that means I can't never be out of the office. Can't wait til summer vacation time when I'll be gone for 3 days straight. Better warn the troops. OOO biaches.
Seacrest out.
The blogging has stopped...
but the asinine horribleness that is our work has not. We started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it turns out it's a little further away than we had originally thought. Hope still remains...at least for today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)